Unlikely Predictions for the 2019 Season

It’s Opening Day! That means hope is alive for all 30 MLB teams. It also means everyone and their brother has predictions for the coming year. Since I did terribly last year, I’m going to dispense with making the standard set of predictions. While other bloggers might offer “bold” predictions, I’m going to take that one step further and offer unlikely (but still possible) predictions for the 2019 season.

In the Year 2019…

  • All MLB teams (not just those weird Canadians) will raise minor-leaguers’ pay.
  • Cleveland SP Trevor Bauer will miss a start after he gets suspended from Twitter.
  • Willians Astudillo will win AL Rookie of the Year over Vladimir Guerrero Jr. because he doesn’t strike out.
  • The Commissioner’s Office will begin exploring implementation of an electronic strike zone thanks to the influence of legalized gambling interests.
  • Players will forego bench-clearing brawls for Instagram beefs.
  • Cubs SP Cole Hamels will throw a no-hitter in Milwaukee. He will dedicate his effort to Padres INF Manny Machado, causing the roof of Miller Park to blow off from the sheer rage of Brewers fans.
  • Phillies OF Bryce Harper will sue Broken Goblet Brewery for putting his image on a beer label without permission and saying “this beer is for you” when he is a Mormon.
  • The Baseball Hall of Fame will end BBWAA writers’ participation in Hall of Fame voting.
  • MLB owners will force the Ricketts family to sell the Cubs after an even more heinous set of Joe Ricketts documents is leaked.
  • Manny Machado will be announced as the Padres’ Heart and Hustle Award winner, making thousands of CHUDs mad online.
  • Cut4 will make fun of a White player for failing to run out a play.

Opening Day action kicks off on the East Coast at 1:05 PM ET. The Tigers will face the Blue Jays at Rogers Centre starting at 3:37 PM ET (Zimmermann vs. Stroman), and the Cubs will visit the Rangers with action beginning at 4:05 PM ET (Lester vs. Minor).