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Baseball Gods, Please Spare Us from Tim Tebow

On Sunday, I read some horrifying news: Mets GM Sandy Anderson thinks washed-up NFL quarterback and current minor-league outfielder Tim Tebow “will play in the major leagues.” There’s already too much Jesus-humping and flag-waving in pro sports for pinkos like me, so I really don’t want to see one of the most aggressive Jesus-humpers make a return to the spotlight of playing sports at the highest level. I can only imagine the man hitting a home run and then dropping to one knee in public prayer before circling the bags instead of doing a bat flip, a Sammy Sosa hop or simply admiring the trajectory of the ball. I can also imagine all the fellow Jesus-humpers who will become instant baseball experts and judges of player behavior once Tebow makes an MLB appearance talking about how wrong it is to make an ostentatious spectacle of oneself when flipping a bat, hopping or even watching the ball leave the yard, but not when displaying one’s love for Christ. That’s a thought that could make my ballpark Old Style taste even more sour.

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Therefore, let this be my fervent plea to the baseball gods: please keep Tebow in the minors and never let him darken the doorstep of Citi Field or any other major-league park!

Considering the fact that Tebow, who will be turning 31 this summer, is still in A ball with a BA of .226 and .347 slugging percentage, there may be hope the baseball gods will be benevolent.

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